Dating 101: Guys Who Don’t Get the 2nd Date–by Rachel Greenwald

admin — Fri, 22 May 2009 14:22:19 +0000

Dating 101: Guys Who Don’t Get the 2nd Date

Dating study reveals a surprising trend in the type of single men that fail to entice women to continue courtship

By Dating Coach, Rachel Greenwald

By dating coach Rachel Greenwald

Photo: iStockphoto.com/g_studio

By dating coach Rachel Greenwald

Updated: May 12, 2009

“It’s a cat and mouse game; puppy dogs don’t win.”

Let me explain.

As a dating coach and matchmaker, I’ve spent the past 10 years conducting some unconventional dating research using a business concept called “Exit Interviews.” While earning my MBA degree at Harvard Business School, I learned how candid exit interviews from an employee leaving his company can reveal crucial feedback, empowering managers to get something right next time with future clients and employees. So I thought: why not try this tactic in the dating world?

The Dating Poll

In one poll, I asked over 100 single women to confess the real reasons they didn’t accept a second date with a man. My goal was to help men discover simple mistakes or misperceptions which they could adjust next time with someone new. The women I interviewed came from 23 states and 6 countries, with ages ranging from 21 to 68. Five top reasons emerged strong and consistent, but what was the number-one turnoff? Did it have something to do with the shortcomings of the bad boys, men afraid of commitment, or guys who were too short, bald, potbellied, or unemployed? Not at all. Here, single women define the men they dated who don’t make it for a second round of courtship.

The Puppy Dog

Betsy, a 50-year-old lawyer in Seattle, mused about a guy she dated who reminded her of that “Sex and the City” episode when Carrie was dating Aidan and complained about how he was too available: He didn’t do the ever-seductive withholding dance or make her stomach flip. Betsy admitted, “The early stage of dating is just one big game, whether we like it or not. It’s a cat and mouse game; puppy dogs don’t win.”

The Incessant Flatterer

Emily, a 39-year-old writer from Boston, said about one man, “Eagerness can be flattering, but this felt a little desperate… it became annoying. Also, because it was a first date, [I think] it had more to do with a fantasy about me, than me.” Hillary, a 35-year-old magazine editor from New York, NY, remarked, “I went out with him in the first place because he was so complimentary to me. I thought I should give him a chance. Normally I like a man who doesn’t play games, but the flattery really became overkill.” Karen, a 28-year-old health care consultant in Madison, WI, sighed, “He looked like a sad puppy when I said goodnight.”

The Edgeless Man

Women complained in droves about single men who reminded them of puppies. These guys followed them around and were too eager to please. Men who were “too nice” often appeared desperate or weak. They didn’t have an “edge.” And their “gushing” early emails with excessive flattery were a turnoff.

The Over-Gusher

Liz, a 41-year-old language translator from Sherman Oaks, CA, told me about the guy who sent such effusive emails after they met that she “was disappointed to receive them.” She said, “I wanted the polite, even enthusiastic thank-you along with a compliment or two, but not the over-gush. I guess I wanted him to maintain a little mystery.” Jenna, a 33-year-old graphic designer in Miami, FL, commented: “He was too nice, too transparent… he didn’t intrigue me.”

The Sweetie

Emma, a 25-year-old advertising associate in London, described a guy she could have “walked all over.” And Shannon, a 38-year-old accountant from Cincinnati, remembered declining a third date with a too-nice guy who came to her office after she got promoted. He spent hours organizing her files and brought her an expensive “congratulations” plant. She said, “He was so good on paper, and I guess I’d call him ’sweet,’ but he didn’t have an edge.”

Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

As these confessions poured in, I worried whether the old adage “Nice guys finish last” could actually be true. I hoped not, because I personally love “nice guys” (I even married one! And after 16 happy years, let me offer this endorsement: nice guys are the only ones who stand the test of time). But as I spoke to women in more detail, they clarified what they really meant, and I felt reassured. It’s not that women don’t want a “nice guy” (they absolutely do when they are in a marriage-minded mode!), but rather guys should simply monitor the quantity of their effusive compliments and sweet gestures. Like most things in life, a little bit of a good thing goes a long way, but too much is overwhelming and usually a turnoff.

ARTICLE FULLY SUPPLIED AND PUBLISHED BY YAHOO.COM/YAHOO PERSONALS/RACHEL GREENWALD.

BY: RACHEL GREENWALD. I AM NOT TAKING ANY CREDIT FOR THIS ARTICLE. I FOUND IT INTERESTING AND WANTED TO PASS IT ON. NO CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE.

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88133/dating-101-guys-that-dont-get-the-2nd-date/;_ylc=X3oDMTQxZmdwaGZxBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEX3MDMjE0MjIzOTY3MgRrA0d1eXMgV2hvIERvbiYjMzk7dCBHZXQgdGhlIDJuZCBEYXRlBHNlYwNmcF90b2RheQRzbGsDZGF0aW5nLTEwMS1ndXlzLXRoYXQtZG9udC1nZXQtdGhlLTJuZC1kYXRlBHp6A2FiYw–

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admin — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:32:22 +0000

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